


The Battle of Ranskoor av Kolos

by smallstarfox



Series: Series 11...but Thasmin [10]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cognitive Dissonance, F/F, Mild Blood, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21916987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallstarfox/pseuds/smallstarfox
Summary: Answering nine separate distress calls, the Doctor and team arrive on the remnants of a brutal battlefield on the planet Ranskoor Av Kolos. Having had to remove their protective neural balancers in order to save five planets, the Doctor and Yaz come at war with the darkest parts of themselves. And each other.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Series: Series 11...but Thasmin [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578505
Comments: 12
Kudos: 81





	The Battle of Ranskoor av Kolos

“Neural balancers!”

Both of them spoke at the same time, staring at each other as the Doctor smiled in glee. She couldn’t be more proud of Yaz than in that moment, but sadly there were other things that they needed to attend to instead. Namely, getting the Ux out of the telepathic circuitry unharmed. She would worry about the stasis pods cracking and planets regaining their mass later on. Hopefully not too much later. Too many things to do, not enough time to do them. It was a chaotic mess that she found herself in, although the Doctor was at least eighty seven percent confident everything was going to be fine. The first thing she had to do, though, was stop being so giddy and focus back on the task at hand.

“I could adjust the settings. Really easy. Make them neural blockers, no signal in or out. Could be enough. Big risk.”

The Doctor’s brain was working overtime, words coming out of her mouth faster than she even had a chance to process. At least Yaz was still looking like she was on the same page. It was nice. Really nice. No, she needed to focus. Needed to warn Yaz about what would happen if she agreed. She knew full well she would be fine, Time Lords were more than capable of keeping their minds in check in extreme circumstances. A few psychotropic waves would be nothing but a slight headache. The problem was Yaz and her human brain. It wasn’t capable of defending itself for very long, and even with the neural balancer doing its job, she was still being exposed regardless. Really, the Doctor would be opening up a floodgate, and that was bad. Could she really risk that?

“If we take our balancers off, and put them on those two…”

She was already ahead of her.

“The planet will be able to attack our minds.”

She had to make sure she was aware of the consequences.

“Then, I’ll take that risk to stop the Earth being destroyed.”

Of course she would. Just like Yasmin Khan to forgo her own safety for the greater good. It was a terrible, awful, reckless idea…except when the Doctor looked into Yaz’s eyes, all she could see was her determination and a hint of stubbornness. There was no way she was going to win in a battle of wills, her companion had already risked a lot by staying with her. So much so that the Doctor was starting to be bombarded by memories the more she thought about her. It wasn’t the appropriate time. Shaking all thoughts out of her head, she took a look at the Ux before turning back to Yaz. One problem down at least.

“Yeah, good. I mean, really good. Except it doesn’t solve our problem with these. They can’t all be here. We have to put them back in place. There’s too many things to do! One thing at a time. It’s fine. All good. Well, almost. First thing’s first.”

After gesticulating wildly at the cracking and shuddering stasis pods, the Doctor took her place back beside Yaz and gave a small nod of confirmation. She was with her, no matter what, the Doctor needed to remember that. Taking in a deep breath, she raised a hand to her temple and slowly began to peel back the neural balancer. With each micron of a movement, she felt the planet slowly encroaching on her mind. She heard Yaz hiss in unison with her as the devices were removed from their heads, soon resting in the palms of their hands. She held her hand out towards Yaz, who copied the motion, free hand fumbling around inside the pocket of her coat until she caught hold of the sonic screwdriver.

Clicking the switch, she waved the buzzing device over the top of the two neural balancers, hoping that her alterations to the devices would do what they were supposed to. If not, then they were in a whole heap of trouble beyond even her wildest dreams.

All they had to do now was get them onto the Ux. The Doctor broke away and clambered over the machinery, kicking up the bottom of her coat with her heels and almost tripping over wires along the way. Was she really being affected already? Hopefully not. Crouching slightly, she leant over and pressed the neural balancer to Andinio’s temple, turning to Yaz with a slight smile.

“Modified neural balancer on. Now you, Yaz. Gently does it.”

Making her way around the Doctor and higher up the strange mechanical platforms, Yaz reached over to place her own neural balancer against the temple of the second Ux. She could feel something stabbing repeatedly at various parts of her brain, leaving her to squint slightly and wince as she moved. She had taken a tumble or two on the way up as it was, but either way she had at least managed to do what she had been asked. Getting back down was another story, and it took a few more seconds before she was stood next to the Doctor again. She already had her sonic poised and ready.

“Come on, block their signal.”

When the sonic buzzed again, locked on to the neural balancers, Yaz quickly turned to look at the Doctor. She had her teeth gritted in concentration, but otherwise she looked fine. Why was Yaz worrying about her? What was the strange ringing she could hear in her ears, taking over the buzz of…what was it called again? When she turned back to look at the Ux, their eyes had stopped glowing a golden yellow, revealing their true selves. She had no idea if what the Doctor had done had worked…what had she done? Shaking her head in frustration, Yaz was brought back around by the sight of a woman breaking out of the strange contraption and bemoaning…them?

“No! What have you done? This is the Creator’s work.”

“No, it isn’t. That creature took advantage of your faith. How could he recognise me, Andinio? We’ve met before. He’s an exile from a warrior race called the Stenza. When we met, he was killing people for no reason on the planet he wants you to destroy.”

Yaz tried to pay attention to what was going on around her, but it was becoming impossible. Who was Andinio? Was that who…who was talking to her again? The Doctor. At least, that was what Yaz thought her name was. But why was her name just a title?

“The Ux had been waiting for him, for generations. He is my truth. He was our truth.”

“That creature is a lie, and he debased you and your faith. Don’t you see? You are the creators. Look what you can do. You build. But he made you destroyers. That’s no God. I’m sorry.”

There was too much noise, too much sound, but something moving caught Yaz’s eye.

“Doctor, something’s happening to the containers.”

Containers. What were they containing? Had she really just said that. After speaking, Yaz wobbled a little on her legs, bringing both hands to her temples as he hissed quietly. She did not see the Doctor run over towards the stasis pods and curse under her breath as she tried to move one of them.

“Oh no, I thought this might happen. Those planets cannot be contained any longer, or else the damage will be colossal. Too much to do, not enough time. So the mass is returning, and I can’t lift it anymore! But the planets need to be returned to the exact place in the universe where they came from.”

The Doctor rose to her feet and gestured towards the Ux, unaware of Yaz haphazardly leaning against one of the walls and curling in on herself.

“Can you do it? Can you return them?”

“It’s possible.”

Delph turned with a smile.

“It would take time, but…”

Time. Time was the problem. It always was, in the end.

“Which we don’t ha-”

Before the Doctor could carry on her train of thought, it hit her. The psychotropic waves. They hit like a barge ship, knocking her off balance for a moment as she clutched at her head.

“Argh, my brain. It’s getting fuzzy. How do we do this? What have we got left? Oh. One possibility. You two, this set up. Us. What else? Yaz, wha-”

Twisting around on the spot, the Doctor turned towards where she thought Yaz was, but saw no sign of her. Straightening herself out, she looked over her shoulder to see her companion leaning up against the wall. Her hands were balled into fists at her side, going so far as to leave her knuckles a shade of red. It hadn’t been too long. Surely it hadn’t been that long. The Doctor had been counting time by the millisecond, keeping as close an eye on the effects of the waves as she could. Surely she hadn’t miscalculated it. In a flash she was standing in front of Yaz, poised to speak, but she was thrown off course by two strong hands sharply shoving her in the chest and causing her to stumble backwards in a flurry of arms and legs. The Doctor wanted to speak again, but all she managed to do was scream Yaz’s name as her companion ran out of the room with unbridled speed. She had most certainly miscalculated.

* * *

“Yaz! Yaz, where are you?!”

The Doctor was running as fast as her legs could carry her, faster than she had done to find Yaz in the first place after crossing paths with Tzim Sha. Somehow, five planets were nothing when compared to the life of Yasmin Khan. How had she gotten things so wrong again? Was it some sort of curse of her new regeneration? Was she just totally incapable of keeping track of more than one thing? None of it mattered, because if Yaz was being affected by the planet…she didn’t want to think about it. Thinking had gotten her into the mess, so it was better to just stop. Except, stopping thinking meant that the Doctor quickly began to lose grip on her own sanity far quicker than she had come to anticipate.

All of her running lead to another room that looked remarkably like the one she had just come from. Surely she hadn’t gone in circles…because she would have found the Ux. But they weren’t there. However, she did find someone. And that someone was a very panicked looking Yaz, scrambling around the room trying to find another door.

At the sound of encroaching footsteps, Yaz turned around, panic and fear and tears in her eyes. The Doctor had never seen her so out of sorts, only ever seeing a quick glimpse of a tear…when had she seen them? It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Yaz was being affected by the psychotropics and was reacting very badly to them. Much more so than Paltraki had when she first met him. He had been down a lot longer than Yaz too, which meant that there was obviously some kind of underlying mental issue that was being attacked and causing such an outburst. She had to tread very carefully, so not as to-

“W-who are you? How do you know my name?”

She had forgotten her.

As much as the first words stung and cut into her like a knife, she had to move on, so the Doctor took a step closer and held her hands up to either side of her head. Anything to look as least threatening as possible. Which, was difficult, under the circumstances of a severely loud ringing in her own head.

“I’m the Doctor. You…you don’t remember me…do you?”

Hazel-green eyes shifted downwards, noticing that Yaz was shuffling something behind her back. Or at least; she was doing something with her hands behind her back. When her eyes came up again, the Doctor swore there was a brief moment of recognition. Yaz mouthed the word quietly to herself over and over again. Her brows were knitted together in frustration, and the soft dimples in her cheeks appeared each time she set her jaw. Except that was where everything ended, because Yaz took several steps backwards, the fear returning to her eyes.

“I…I don’t know who you are. I just want to get out of here. I…I don’t…I don’t feel…”

Each pause was punctuated by a prominent wince, and it took all of the Doctor’s strength not to rush over and take her companion up in her arms and hold her close. That was what she would normally do, or would have liked to have done so many times in the past. She never realised how much she needed Yaz near her to even begin to have a hope of functioning normally. There was too much stress, too much pain, too much fuzz creeping into her mind. She had to push through.

“You don’t feel safe. I get it. That’s okay. I’m here to help you. We…you and me…we’re…friends”

_‘We’re so much more than that, Yaz.’_

Yaz’s eyes narrowed slightly as she spoke slow.

“Friends?”

There it was again, that little glimmer of hope. Yaz was still in her mind somewhere, trying to come out and reach her. She needed to keep hold of it. How could she keep her? What could she say? The Doctor wasn’t exactly the best at rational thought under stress, and it was beginning to show. Small parts of her were cracking around the seams, fracturing, splintering off and causing fiery needles to prick between her eyes and down her spine. She had to keep Yaz safe. Had to keep her talking. It was the only way to bring her back and get the neural balancers from the Ux.

“Yeah, friends. We travel, around the universe, doing all sorts of wonderful things. Do you remember when we…”

_‘When we saw the cosmic fireworks…’_

No. No, had they done that? Where had that thought come from? What even was that thought, that was…that was further in their timeline. How was she seeing forwards in time? She couldn’t do that…could she? The Doctor shook her head, tried to move the thought, bit down on her tongue in order to focus. She needed an older memory. Something that was hopefully safe from the waves. Something further back. Oh, but there was so much she could choose from.

“We went and saw Madame de Pompadour. With Mickey. And there was a horse! Wait…no…that’s not right. We didn’t do that. That was R- Um. Never mind, don’t mind me, just a bit headachey. What I meant to say was, remember when we went to the Rings of Akhaten? And all the…no. No, that’s not right either. That wasn’t you, was it? Gah!”

The Doctor started to shake her head as she spoke, pacing in circles on the spot, just going around and around with her fingers knotted into her hair.

“Second century Scotland? No, not you either. That was Bill. Getting closer though. I’m so close, I can feel it. Where did we _go_ ? What did we _do_ ? Ugh, come on brain, think, think, _think…_ ”

Why was she suddenly thinking of all those people? None of them were…who was she trying to think about? Yaz. Yaz. She was thinking about Yaz. When the name came into her head, she twisted on her heels and clicked the fingers on both hands, almost jumping on the spot from ecstatic glee. She remembered where they had been and what they had done. She remembered very vividly suddenly. Best to keep some of the information back…possibly. If she could remember what that information even was. Something really wasn’t quite right anymore, and her frantic display had only gone and shifted Yaz further away from her. But her hands…she was still toying with something behind her back.

“Pakistan! We went to Pakistan. To visit your Nani when she was your age. Really lovely woman, Umbreen. Doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it? You got mad at me because I agreed to marry Umbreen and Prem. But, we got some really beautiful henna. And! Little yellow flowers. It was amazing. Do you remember that?”

“I…”

Surely she could remember that. In any case, how could she forget? The Doctor certainly wasn’t going to forget anytime soon. No, it was one of the most magical days of her life. In between the alien assassins who weren’t actually assassins…familial murder…that didn’t bear thinking about. She had to focus on the positives. The way Yaz’s smile shone in the beating sun. How her eyes looked so beautiful. How soft her words were. The moment they shared. It was simply magical. The Doctor could never…

“No, no, how do you know my Nani? How can you know about her? Who’s Prem?! That’s not my grand…my…Y-you can’t know these things unless…unless…you’re inside my head, aren’t you? You’re making me like this! Get away from me!”

That had not gone how the Doctor had expected it to, not at all. She certainly hadn’t anticipated Yaz running off again, and definitely not catching sight of something shining in her hands as she bolted past and out of her range again. Was the only thing the Doctor was going to do today be running? Repeating the word ‘stupid’ several times and violently shaking her head, the Doctor gave chase. Again. Everything just looked the same, nothing changing between steps. Where was she? What was this place she was in? Why was she chasing someone? Nothing was making sense, and yet she was still going, still going until she ended up in another far too familiar room. Except there was a difference; namely someone holding a massive shard of metal to her neck.

“I told you to stay the hell away from me, you…you…you freak!”

Yaz had caught her completely off guard, the way she twisted one of her arms behind her back and pushed her fist so close to the back of her neck reminding her just who she was messing with. A police officer. Yaz was trained for a confrontation, a fight, but never had the Doctor imagined she would be on the receiving end. She could feel the cool golden tinted metal pressing against her throat, making it hard to swallow or talk.She persisted regardless, making sure to relax all of her muscles and not put up any kind of a fight against a very scared and armed human.

“Resorting to name-calling now, are we? If you knew who I was, you’d be able to do much better than that, I’m sure.”

Where had that come from? Why didn’t it sound like her voice? It sounded…lower. More gravely. It had a masculine twinge to it. Something was wrong, but the Doctor had no idea what it was. All she knew was that a sharp pain was hitting her and spreading down her spinal column, setting her teeth on edge as she hissed in conjunction with Yaz holding even harder. Bad decision, goading her, but she couldn’t take it back now. All she had to do was get out of the human’s grip. Which was simple. On paper. Except, she didn’t want to hurt Yaz. Not in any capacity.

“W-who are you?”

The Doctor smiled. A smile that was not her own. A smile of a twisted grin of teeth and venom. A quiet bassy laugh rumbled through her chest, quickly reaching a crescendo before she violently jerked out of Yaz’s grasp. The sheer force of her actions left her companion staggering backwards, hands scrambling to keep hold of the metal shard, unaware of how deeply it was cutting into her own hands. With her coat tails flying around her as she twirled on the spot, the Doctor stared unwavering at Yaz, smile still on her face. Hands in her pockets, she gestured outwards and gave a physically sarcastic bow.

“Oh…do you really want to know? Do you really want me to tell you who I am? Well, seeing as you asked so nicely, I’ll tell you. Trust me, not even you could forget this.”

Finally regaining her balance, Yaz straightened herself out, holding the metal shard in front of her defensively. Her legs were starting to quake, but as something flicked inside the Doctor’s mind…she didn’t rightly care.

“I’m the Doctor. I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous.”

Her voice cracked, changed, different things ghosting in and out of her mind before she could process any of them. Her mannerism staggered like a broken puppet, as if her strings were tangled and snapping.

“Just remember who's standing in your way. Remember every black day I ever stopped you, and then, and then, do the smart thing. Let somebody else try first.”

She laughed, gesturing wildly around her, smile still etched on her face.

“I walked away from the last Great Time War. I marked the passing of the Time Lords. I saw the birth of the universe and I watched as time ran out, moment by moment, until nothing remained. No time. No space. Just _me_. I walked in universes where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a mad man. I've watched universes freeze and creations burn. I've seen things you wouldn't believe. I have lost things you will never understand. And I know things. Secrets that must never be told. Knowledge that must never be spoken. Knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze.”

She couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t stop the words coming from her mouth. She could see herself saying everything, reliving moments she thought she had long since buried, heard them in voices that were not her own. She could feel her mind shattering into pieces, scattering across the timelines, and all she could do was watch as she stepped closer to Yaz and leered at her.

“You know what someone said about me? Something I’ve remembered ever since my death and rebirth?”

Yaz was rooted to the spot, unmoving. She could see the fear in her eyes, the life flashing before her eyes, and she couldn’t stop. The Doctor couldn’t stop her mouth running a mile a minute. Why was she talking like that? Why was she lifting a hand to Yaz’s chin and tilting it so they looked eye to eye?

“He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe.”

Even with the pointed tip of metal hovering dangerously close to her throat again, the Doctor persisted.

“Hello. I'm the Doctor. Basically, _run_.”

Another pain shot through her skull, knocking the Doctor off kilter just long enough for Yaz to move. But she had no idea she had moved, too busy focusing on the screaming inside her head. Or, was she screaming? Who else was there with her? Who had she been talking to?

_‘Her name is Yasmin Khan. Don’t forget it.’_

Her head shot up then, looking around the room. She knew that voice…didn’t she? But who was it? Who was talking to her?

_‘Pretty sure you’ve just gone and scared the poor thing, so say goodbye to ever hoping to fix all this.’_

There was another one as well. She lifted both hands to her temples, pushing as hard as she could, trying to squeeze her skull back together again and ground herself from the swirling mass of voices coming in and out and taking over.

_‘Well you went all Time Lord Victorious on us. Can’t say I blame the poor lass. I thought we were over all that nonsense. Thought we’d moved on from it all.’_

_‘You got involved too, don’t try and play the sanctimonious one here. All this started because of you anyway, remember? The second you lost her, you went off the rails and look where that got us in the end. Fat lot of good you were. Oh, I’m the Doctor, I’m the Oncoming Storm, Scourge of the Daleks blah blah blah…’_

_‘Oi! You’re one to talk! Bringing up the Time War? Really? You think that’s ‘over it’?’_

So much noise. So much fighting. The Doctor couldn’t stand it. Where were they coming from? Why was her…her…who was she? Who were they? Why did they sound so familiar? Why were they shouting so very very loud? Every part of her was straining, like she was being torn slowly limb from limb from the inside out. Fingers moved up to curl into her hair, to tug it hard, to try and bring her back to reality. She had something very important to do. But what was it? People were missing. She remembered two other people. But what were they doing?

Something bad was happening…something. Something she couldn’t quite remember anymore. She wanted to cry, to scream again, also wanted to hit something for some reason. Frustration was mounting but there was no source, no rhyme nor reason. It was the worst thing she had ever experienced.

“What’s happening…to me?”

Her voice wavered, switching in tone with each syllable. There were people inside her head. They wanted to take control. She could feel them, fighting against her, nerves and synapses burning white hot and threatening to make her collapse on the spot.

_‘Violent psychotropic waves.’_

That was her voice. She heard herself inside her own head. It was disjointed, like it no longer belonged to her, as if someone else was speaking on her behalf. Someone was trying to edge into the chaos, she could feel them, but…they felt safe. Rational. Stable. She had to trust them.

_‘Neural balancers.’_

“Neu…neural…neural balancers.”

Whatever those two words meant, they sounded right. Staggering with each movement, the Doctor tried her best to look around the room. Where was she? What was she looking for? There was something trying to push its way to the forefront of her mind, but it was so painful. She hissed and winced as she took a step forward, desperately trying to get her eyes to focus on her surroundings. There was something in the room. Something she needed. Something she had to do. But what?

_‘Save her.’_

Who was guiding her? Her feet moved on their own, so disjointed from her, so foreign feeling. One arm shifted from out of her hair, reached out, aimlessly waving around in thin air and touching whatever she could come across. So much hot machinery. Smoke. A strange whining sound. What did she need? Something…small…small felt right too.

“W-what’re you doing? S-stay away from me…please…”

Someone was talking to her but she had no idea who it was. Why did they sound so scared? She wasn’t doing anything, was she? The Doctor ignored the voice on the outside, too busy trying to deal with the cacophony inside her own head. She continued to grope around, grabbing anything she could get her hands on. Cables. Panels. Screws. None of those things felt right to her hands. She needed something…something smaller. Something flatter. A little sticky on one side. The pain was becoming beyond unbearable, and the Doctor had to contend with just watching herself from inside her own head, between bickering and some warm voice telling her something would be alright. She was hot on the trail of what she needed. All she had to do was find it. Left. Right. Up. Down. Fingers brushed over something small and smooth. Something round.

_‘Take it. You need it.’_

Everything was so fuzzy. The world was spinning far faster than it should be. There were too many voices inside her head, too many people edging what little control she had away from her. The only voice of reason was slowly fading away from her grasp. She remembered him. He was the one who wanted her to live her best life. She liked him, he was nice, if a little grumpy. He gave up everything so she could be. She owed so much to him.

More and more pain threatened to crack her skull apart, vision going blurry around the edges as her legs started to quake and tremble. Her body didn’t feel like her own anymore, nothing did. She felt like she was someone else, just watching from the side lines, banging on the transparent divider and screaming into the void. She felt like an imposter, someone dangerous, someone scared and alone. Despite it all, she could see a vague glimmer of hope, hear one single thought trying desperately to make it through the chaos.

_‘You have to save her, Doctor.’_

Who? Who did she have to save? Hazel green eyes looked around the room again, catching sight of someone else with her. Someone…she knew her. Her. That was the ‘her’ she had to save. But who was she? Why did she recognise her so much? The Doctor tried to move forward another step, but stopped as a scream threatened to tear through her throat. A memory. Something soft. Something safe. Something…someone. Of course she knew who she was supposed to be saving. Yasmin Khan. How could she ever have forgotten her? Except the Yaz looking at her wasn’t her Yaz. But it was. It had to be. There was no other Yaz. Her Yaz was strong, and brave, and kind. The one in front of her was scared, and hurt, and very broken. She had to fix her. With what? What was she holding? The Doctor turned her eyes to her hand and gasped. How had she gotten hold of a neural balancer? Where had it come from? There was no time to think. Only time to act.

She didn’t care about the large shard of metal being brandished in her direction, didn’t care that all logic and reason dictated she was going to be in harm's way, all the Doctor wanted to do was take the neural balancer resting in the palm of her hand and press it to Yaz’s temple. No matter the cost. She carefully staggered her way over, taking the hand knotted in her own hair away and letting it drop limply at her side. The voices in her head continued to argue, but she ignored them as best she could. They all had the wrong idea for what was the best and safest way out of it all. With each step she took, Yaz would take one away from her, holding the metal out further and further. The Doctor saw her hands shuddering, knew that some part of Yaz was trying to fight back and save herself. But from the crazed and panicked look in her eyes…that part was losing the battle.

“Y-Yaz… _please_ …”

Her voice wavered in pitch and tone, flitting between her different selves trying to crack through the haze. The Doctor watched in dismay as Yaz violently shook her head, feeling tears swell in her eyes as she heard her lash out again.

“No! I told you to stay away from me! I don’t want to be here, I don’t want any of whatever this is. I don’t want you! You aren’t my friend, you aren’t _anyone_ I care about. You _used_ me! Y-you’re just a monster who wants to take everything away from me. But I won’t let you! I-I’m warning you…go away!”

Swallowing the growing lump in her throat, the Doctor lowered her head slightly as her fingers curled tightly around the neural balancer. It was her only chance. She had to act. Nothing else in the universe mattered except making sure Yaz made it out okay. When the Doctor lifted her head up again, tears slowly streaming down her flushed cheeks, she tried her best to smile through the pain. If the last image she was going to see, was Yaz threatening her…then so be it.

“Oh Yaz…I’m so sorry.”

All it took was one kick of her legs, one strong push, and soon the both of them were face to face. The Doctor crashed herself into Yaz with all the force she could muster, both hands against her face as she took her by surprise. If her companion had made any noise, she had no idea, because she was swallowing it all by forcing their lips together as everything slowly felt lighter.

The Doctor felt like she was flying, all the chaos and cotton wool in her brain leaving her light and empty inside. Had Yaz always felt so soft and warm? The Doctor had no idea anymore. Everything was fading. She never felt the sharp pain and the twist in her gut. She never felt both of them slide down the wall, never felt her hands drop from Yaz’s face, never felt herself falling back onto the metal floor. She never saw the plumes of smoke billowing through the room or heard sounds akin to cracking glass…the last thing she saw was the fear of God in Yaz’s eyes, and perhaps the slightest hint of recognition.

When Yaz came to, a silent sob tearing through her chest, she was not prepared for everything that lay before her. Blood trickled down her fingers and palms from where the metal had cut into her own skin…but she was no longer holding it. No. Tear-filled eyes saw less than half of it in front of her, as the rest was buried deep into someone else’s left side. Orange-red blood pooled around them, staining their strange blue coat a sickening inky black, dribbling up from the wound and slowly congealing. She scrambled across the floor, not caring how much her head was pounding, all she knew was that she had to help whoever was in front of her. But…who were they? What had happened? All she remembered was holding something sharp, but it wasn’t in her hands anymore. Something sharp was very much embedded in the person on the floor, but surely she hadn’t done anything…had she? More to the point, who even was she? Every time she tried to think, another sharp pain would shoot through her skull and force her back. Answers weren’t coming to her of her own volition.

Shaking hands reached out, already bleeding fingers now coated in the thick orange-red blood of the person in front of her. She turned her head slightly, trying to get a better look at their face. They looked…oddly peaceful. Their face was framed by blonde hair, skin speckled with freckles and a tiny scar too. Something about that person was drawing her in, for no supposed reason. As the seconds passed, something else was telling her to remove the shard of metal, although she had no idea why exactly. Yaz took hold of the metal shard without care for the burning pain in her hands, sharply jerking it up and out. As she did so, the person in front of her jolted slightly, letting out a sharp gasp as strange golden trails came from their mouth. The light also travelled through the bleeding wound, and she watched it slowly knit together again and the colour fade away. Yaz threw the metal to one side, more than a little disgusted by the two bloods mingling together across the gold and silver surface. However, she could feel something making its way to the forefront of her mind the more she stared at the person in front of her.

But what was…

Doctor.

Yaz wasn’t sure if she screamed the word in her head or out loud, but whatever happened saw her scrambling to wipe the blood against her jeans just so she could hold both of the woman’s cheeks in her hands. How could she have ever forgotten the Doctor? Was this what it was like for her back in Montgomery? Montgomery; another memory rushing to flood her senses and threaten to spill them into overdrive. All she could do was repeat the word, the name, over and over again as her voice rose higher and cracked over each syllable. Tears streamed down her face, falling onto her lips and tongue as she continued to repeat her name like a prayer. There was no recognition coming from her, no flutter of eyelids, no movement at all.

Yaz had no idea what she needed to do, what she wanted to do, mind shutting down to a point where she had no idea she had the other woman in her arms until bloodshot eyes looked up at the sound of footsteps coming from somewhere inside the strange place she found herself in.

She screamed for help, heart leaping into her throat when the noises stopped and changed direction. Soon enough, she saw two people appear from the vast doorway, neither of whom looked familiar at first glance but they at least knew who she was clinging onto. Both of them came running over, one either side of her as she sobbed incoherently. What could she even tell them about what had happened, when she had no idea herself? One of them was trying to talk to her, someone with skin darker than hers and a voice that felt like home. He was repeating a name, but it didn't mean anything to her. She tried to reply to him, barely managing anything more than broken phrases.

“I don’t…the Doctor…in her side…bleeding…I did…I don’t know…what’s happening?”

Ryan and Graham looked at each other blankly for a moment, desperately trying to figure out what to do. They could see the neural balancer on Yaz’s temple, so it made no sense for her to be acting even worse than Paltraki had. Not unless something had happened while they had gone.

“Graham, check the Doc’s head.”

“I think we’ve got more pressing matters than-”

“Has she got one of these things on?”

Catching up to his grandson’s wavelength, Graham tried to feel around the side of the Doctor’s head, finding it difficult with her being held so tightly by Yaz. He did manage to get under her hair, face paling as his fingers only came into contact with cold bare skin. He pulled away and shook his head, watching as Ryan clicked his tongue in frustration. They had come back to the site purely because neither the Doctor nor Yaz had been answering their communicators, and neither of them had anticipated the reason as to why that was the case. Graham shuffled closer towards Yaz’s side, arm briefly hovering around her shoulder before he pulled it back. They needed to get both of them back to the TARDIS ideally, but the ship was too far away for them to walk and carry the Doctor back between them.

“Yaz, love…I know everything looks really scary right now, I appreciate that, but we need to get a look at the Doc. D’you think maybe I could-”

“N-No!”

Yaz didn’t mean to glare, didn’t mean to snap, but nothing was making sense and the only thing that did was the woman lying cold in her arms. Ryan and Graham shared another look, working in tandem to slowly work the Doctor from out of Yaz’s arms to lay her back down on the ground. With nothing else to cling to, Yaz turned her attention to Ryan. She wrapped her arms around his waist and cried into his chest, Ryan trying his best to attempt to calm his near hysterical friend down. He had never seen her cry, not apart from a tear or two after going to Pakistan. Whatever had happened, it had been quite the experience. He tried as best as he could to talk her through her ramblings, eyes forever fixed on Graham as he rooted around inside the Doctor’s pockets before pulling out her sonic screwdriver.

“We gotta get the TARDIS here.”

“No offence Graham, but the only person who knows how to use that is the Doc. And I’m pretty sure she’d be livid if we went and broke her things because we don’t know how to use them.”

“You wanna try carrying her back then? ‘cause none of us are in a fit state and this is our only option at this point. It’s only got one button, how hard can it be? All the Doc does is point and click and wave it about. She got the TARDIS before, right? Guess it works like a car key or something.”

Shrugging his shoulders and turning back to Yaz, Graham rolled the sonic screwdriver around in his hands. As much as he knew nothing about what he was holding, he at least knew some of the things that the strange alien device could do. It could practically do anything. Surely it would bring the TARDIS around as well? With nothing to lose, Graham held it in his hand and pointed it towards the largest empty space in the room. The button clicked, device lighting up with a golden glow and shuddering with tiny vibrations, but nothing happened. He tried again and again and again, but to no avail. Nothing was working. Cursing under his breath, Graham looked down at the Doctor with fear masked behind concern. She would have known what to do, would have gotten them out without any problems. Except she was lying on the ground with a somehow partly healed wound in her side, completely unresponsive to even the sound of her favourite gadget. The buzzing however did seem to stop Yaz from crying, and Ryan was surprised to find her pulling away from him and turning towards Graham. Her eyes were trained on the sonic screwdriver in his hand, one of her own reaching out towards it.

“Her sonic…TARDIS…she can help.”

Looking up from the Doctor, Graham looked towards Yaz with a soft smile. It wasn’t the most sense she had made, not by a long shot, but he was thankful that some kind of coherence was coming back to her. He carefully handed the device over, mindful of the still raw cuts on her hands, urging her to have a try.

“Not quite sure how to work that thing if I’m honest, Yaz. If you think you know what to do then by all means.”

Yaz gave a small nod, clutching the sonic screwdrivers as tight as she could. Shaky legs eventually got her to stand, Ryan giving her a little boost, and soon she was staring at the empty space in the room. Another memory was starting to come back to her, something that was making her take a few steps forward and square her body out strong. She could see three suns in the sky, dusty desert all around them, a flickering TARDIS in the distance. She could hear the Doctor’s words clear as day in her head, ringing out loud and clear. A plea for help. With her eyes closed and mind focused on the memory at hand, Yaz held out the sonic screwdriver and clicked the button.

“I really need you right now.”

The shrill buzz continued to echo through the room.

“She really needs you. Please. The Doctor needs you. We all do.”

As more tears spilled down her cheeks, jaw clenching in frustration, Yaz’s eyes shot open at a very faint but familiar sound. She could hear it – the wheezing and the groaning and the whining – growing louder the longer she held onto the sonic screwdriver. Wind began to whip up around her, an all too familiar shape beginning to ghost in and out of existence, Yaz couldn’t help the smile that came across her face, nor the exasperated sigh of relief as the TARDIS finally appeared with a gentle thud and opened out her doors for her. Clutching the sonic to her chest, Yaz twisted around to see the two people who had sat with her hauling the Doctor up between them and making their way over to her. She knew them…they were her friends.They were her friends. They had come to help her. How had they found her? It didn’t matter. They were there and that was all she cared about. Yaz couldn’t help but smile with tears in her eyes once more, voice cracking to a high pitch as she spoke.

“Ryan…Graham…thank you.”

As Ryan twisted around to reverse into the TARDIS with his arms under the Doctor’s, Graham paused them briefly to smile over to Yaz.

“No, love, thank you. I would’ve been here all day trying to get that to work. Now come on, I know there’s a medical room in there somewhere. Let’s get you and the Doc somewhere safe.”

* * *

Several hours had passed between Yaz coming to and the present moment. Her hands had been carefully bandaged up by Graham, who was more than happy to use the knowledge he had picked up from Grace. At some point during proceedings, Ryan had brought the Ux along into the TARDIS, allowing them a moment to convey their thanks and condolences to Yaz and the Doctor. She had then learnt that the Ux had managed to use their abilities combined with Tzim Sha’s technology to return the stasis-held planets back to their original orbits. Although, nothing they said made any sense to her addled brain, except for the part that Earth was safe. When they left again, along with Ryan and Graham, she broke down for a second time. Her memories had come back in hard-hitting waves, and not even the telepathic circuits of the TARDIS had been able to console her. All she could see in her head was the Doctor. She remembered everything that the Time Lord had said…everything she had said…it scared her just how much of a horrible person she could be. All of it had then resulted in the Doctor, with hardly a beat between her two hearts, lying so peacefully broken in the bed beside her.

Yaz’s lungs felt as if she had swallowed a tide of razor blades, her eyes stung and her nose was so stuffy she could hardly breathe at all. Except she thought, and on heart, that she deserved it. As the TARDIS spun around in the time vortex, waiting for her Thief to wake, Yaz thought it should be her in the place of the Time Lord. She brought her fingers to her lips, bandages soaking up the stray tears as she remembered how the Doctor had kissed her. Such a warm, grounding moment had been forever tainted by her twisting the metal deep into the Doctor’s side. Yaz saw a flash behind her eyes, heard the echo of words in her mind, and the tears started falling harder again. Her body slouched forward in the soft chair beside the Doctor’s cot, hands balling into fists against her still blood-stained jeans. Yaz hadn’t had the strength to change out of her clothes, hadn’t eaten or drank since, unable to will herself to do anything but stay close to the Doctor.

_‘Don’t want you…aren’t my friend…you used me…monster…go away…’_

Around and around the thoughts ran wild, Yaz choking back her anguished cries and biting down hard enough on her lip to make it bleed. She would do anything to have the Doctor back.

“I’m sorry. I d-didn’t mean a-any of it. I was s-scared. Scared of y-you. Scared of w-what was h-happening. I don’t c-care about what you s-said. That didn’t scare me a-at all. I was s-scared about w-hat had happened…has _been_ happening. T-that maybe you d-didn’t mean any of it. That none of it mattered…”

Wiping her face against the sleeve of her leather jacket, despite the little it did to help, Yaz leant over the bars of the cot and placed a bandaged hand against the Doctor’s cheek. She was still so cold to her touch and paler than a ghost, shirts discarded to reveal a bandaged torso underneath her star patterned sports bra. Really, the bandages on the Doctor were just a formality, as the TARDIS reckoned she was completely fine. Except, she didn’t look fine, as Yaz was starting to lose all hope of ever seeing the Doctor’s smile again. Feeling her touch. Breathing in the scent of her shampoo and oil and tea and everything else that just made her…her.

“Please come back, Doctor. I know you’re in there somewhere, you just have to be. You’ve been through so much and come out on the other side. Falling through the train…Krasko and the regeneration sickness…that sonic mine…drowning…you can get through this too. Please…I don’t want to _lose_ you Doctor. I…you’re the best person I’ve ever met…”

The more she spoke, the more her voice fell to a whisper, and the more Yaz thought she was talking to nothing at all. Except she wasn’t, not really, because the TARDIS was there. And the TARDIS responded. Unable to bear the plight of the grieving companion, she lit up one of the many display monitors in the room and drew Yaz’s attention with quiet beeps. Taking her hand away from the Doctor’s cheek, Yaz twisted in her chair until she was looking at one of the monitors with bleary eyes. Strange circular symbols were starting to distort and become words. She had to stand and come closer to read, trailing over the screen with one finger as she followed the words and silently mouthed them to herself.

_‘Time Lord Physiology: Healing Coma. A Time Lord can enter a state known as a healing coma, in order to heal from serious but non-fatal damage without the need for expending regeneration energy. The amount of time spent in the coma depends on various factors, such as extent of injury as well as placement. A typical coma cycle can last between eight and twenty-four hours, although this can be shortened if a Time Lord has access to a Zero Room.’_

Yaz pulled herself away from the monitor and turned her head across her shoulder in order to look at the Doctor. Was she really just in a coma? Another beep pulled Yaz’s attention back, and the message on the screen had changed.

_‘Move the spare cot over. Get some rest. She will be alright. I will take care of you both.’_

“But I-” 

_‘Yasmin Khan, you have my word. Take care of yourself. Please.’_

Unable to fight with the TARDIS, Yaz let out a quiet sigh of defeat. She made her way over towards the aforementioned spare cot and pushed it as close as she could to the Doctor. Her body felt heavy, numb and dull, maybe sleep was the best option for her. In whatever way it was possible, she felt as if the TARDIS was agreeing with her thoughts, which did make a fleck of a smile tug at the corners of her scabbed lips. Yaz kicked off her trainers and draped her jacket over the top of the Doctor’s coat that lay on a second chair, clambering into the cot and drawing the strange sterile sheets up to her chin. She fumbled around until she could work her way between the bars of the cots and take hold of one of the Doctor’s hands. As her eyes quickly fell heavy, she gave a gentle squeeze before exhaustion knocked her out for the count. While Yaz dropped into a sound sleep, little did she know that the Doctor was knitting the broken parts of her own brain back together, and taking the time to have words with her former selves.

She stood before three men, all of whom she recognised as those who had come before her. It was a brief, almost paradoxical moment inside her own head, but she was going to take full advantage of the lucidity around her.

_‘Right. I’m gonna keep this brief, because there isn’t a lot of time and if we all start going off again then nothing’s gonna get resolved and I’m gonna stay a mess. Understand?’_

All three of them nodded, all with varying degrees of interest and concern. Had she always been such a child? Probably. Thankfully at least this was their opportunity to grow. At least, she hoped so.

_‘You ended up a right narcissist and let yourself be bogged down by regret and grief. You’re just a spoiled childish mess who wants everyone to be scared of him just because you don’t want to face up to our history. And you…Well, you got better in the end. Still going to be the grumpy one in my eyes. Sorry. Although at least you were more help than those two. Ugh, I’m going to have to do so much damage control when I get back.’_

She watched as her Tenth self came over, a little more sheepishly than she had expected. She could hear him apologise just from his body language, but as he slowly faded out, she could hear something else as well.

_‘Tell her how you feel…Properly this time.’_

The next to follow up was her Eleventh self, partially trying not to look her in the eye. Which, she had expected. He did eventually apologise in kind, offering up another somewhat sage piece of parting advice.

_‘Make up for lost time.’_

Which left her standing face to face with the man whose shoes she had to fill. Had she done a good job? What would he make of her? As she started to run a thousand and one questions into her mind, she felt two arms coming around her shoulders and drawing her in closer.

_‘Love is always wise…Doctor.’_

His words rang out inside her head, but soon her Twelfth self was gone as well and she was left alone. The dark empty space began to morph into the shape of her TARDIS interior, all warm and glowing and distinctively hers. As she rounded the console, the Doctor stopped in her tracks at the person she saw smiling in front of her. She only saw them for a fraction of a second, standing taller than her with a mass of curled hair, but it was enough to make her want to cry.

_‘It’s time to wake up now, Doctor.’_

* * *

Weary eyes slowly opened and brought to focus the ceiling of a dimly lit room. She saw white and gold, mixing together, not entirely what she was expecting. What was the last thing she saw? Lifting her head up was a chore, but soon enough she managed, just about giving enough scope of the place she found herself in. It was small, very clean and sterile, with cupboards lining one wall. A blue light was slowly blinking atop a metal archway, door closed, the room silent. Silent except for a noise to her right. Turning her head so her cheek rested on her shoulder, she saw something stir. Or, someone rather. Someone was in a bed next to her, separated by thick white bars. Hazel-green eyes dipped down and saw a bandaged hand clinging to her own, brown fingertips peeking out against her pale skin. She knew where she was, who was next to her, everything.

The Doctor was on the TARDIS, and Yaz was okay.

She looked downwards and across the bed until she saw the thick bandages wrapped tightly around her middle. Memories hit the Doctor then; the psychotropic waves, the fight…their kiss. The Doctor glossed over the fact that Yaz had twisted metal into her side, far too relief filled to even care. She flexed her fingers underneath Yaz’s grip, watching her stir ever so slightly in her sleep, but not enough to wake. She looked so peaceful…a far cry from the woman she had seen back on Ranskoor. But that meant that everything was okay, and that was all the Doctor needed to know. Despite the protest in her side, she leant over the bars of the cot and placed a kiss on Yaz’s cheek with a smile.

There would be enough time in the morning for them to talk about what had transpired that day. Until then, the Doctor could feel the TARDIS gently coaxing her back to sleep with a silent plea.

_‘Thank you…for taking care of her. And me.’_

With her mind far more settled than it had been in quite a while, the Doctor rearranged herself on the cot and closed her eyes again, safe in the knowledge that her dearest companion was right beside her.


End file.
